Whether you're fundraising for your startup or seeking that next leadership role, it's critical to develop a distinct and authentic narrative about the "why" behind your work, your career accomplishments, what you've learned through your successes and failures, and the value proposition you bring to an organization.
I've observed a common challenge people are grappling with in allowing their creative juices to flow in the development of their professional narrative: writer's block.
If you're like many of my clients, it's been 5 to 15 years since you've dusted off that old resume, and your LinkedIn profile still has that grainy selfie that you took from your cousin's wedding in 2010.
It takes a tremendous amount of time, vulnerability, introspection, and emotional energy to reflect on your life's work to piece together the causality of where you've been as you begin to develop your vision for where you're going next.
"You look at where you're going and where you are and it never makes sense, but then you look back at where you've been and a pattern seems to emerge."
-Robert Pirsig in Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
Maybe the answer to solving this problem isn't rooted in our ability to write but is correlated with how our brain stores memories. Introduced by Daniel Kahneman in his seminal work "Thinking, Fast and Slow," two intriguing mental models - the "experiencing self" and the "remembering self"– provide insight into how our memories shape our personal narratives.
In this article, we'll:
Delve into Kahneman's two mental models and their implications.
Explore the Peak-End Rule and its potential influence on your self-narrative.
Contrast the career paths of Alex and Michelle, two professionals with seemingly parallel journeys, yet strikingly different career narratives.
Understand the invaluable role of your trusted network in fostering a well-rounded self-perception.
Without further ado, let's dive in.
The Experiencing Self and Remembering Self
While both the "experiencing self" and the "remembering self" are integral to our overall perception of events, they function differently.
The Experiencing Self
This aspect lives in the continuous present, spanning no more than a brief moment. Imagine watching your favorite movie and getting captured by a particular scene (for me it's the opening scene with Trinity in the Matrix) - that's your "experiencing self" at work. As it relates to work, if you're working on a project, your experiencing self is the one that gets elated when you build a solution for a challenging customer problem or support a mentee through a work conflict with another team member. It answers questions like:
“Do I enjoy developing this new product feature at this very moment?”
“Do I feel stressed or relaxed in this workspace, and what factors contribute to that feeling?”
“How am I feeling right now as I think about writing my resume among all of my competing priorities?”
The Remembering Self
In contrast, the remembering self doesn't deal with momentary experiences. Instead, it reconstructs and reviews them afterward. Think of it as reviewing the same movie once it's over, remembering only certain scenes that stood out.
In the context of a work project, the remembering self is the one that might recall the satisfaction of completing the product sprint or the stress of the final days, often overshadowing the day-to-day highs and lows. It grapples with reflections like:
“When I think back on that project, what moments stand out most prominently?”
“What were the success metrics for the project and what did we actually achieve?”
“Given some time and distance from the project, what did I learn? What assumptions did I make about my approach to the problem that I would change if I could go back in time?
Post-experience, this "self" takes over, recalling past events but is often influenced by biased perceptions.
"Why did the experiencing self refuse to take photos at the concert? Because it said, 'I'm in the moment!' The remembering self replied, 'And I'll need those for my scrapbook!'"
The Peak-End Rule
One of Kahneman’s other key insights is the "peak-end rule," emphasizing that our memories are primarily shaped by the peak moments (i.e. the most intense) and the end of an experience, rather than the average of the total sum of experiences.
This effect occurs regardless of whether the experience is pleasant or unpleasant. This suggests that when we recall past events, we don’t evaluate the totality of an experience but primarily the most intense moments and how they ended.
Case Study – Alex's Journey: Navigating an Abrupt Layoff
To illustrate these concepts, let's consider Alex, a seasoned product leader with 6 years of experience at a FAANG company, boasting two promotions in Year 2 and Year 5 as recognition for multiple successful product launches, and for his mentorship of several junior PMs who he helped onboard, coach, and promote.
Over the last 3 years, Alex became known for his ability to bring the “voice of the customer” into the room working across Commercial, Legal, and Engineering teams in the development of new product features. Alex even received an “exceed rating” as recently as last quarter because of the successful feature launch of their new “specialty ice cream home delivery service feature”.
Experiencing Self:
The Layoff Bombshell: Alex tried to login to his email and Slack in May, but couldn’t get in. News of the layoff hits him like a ton of bricks. Disbelief and a sense of betrayal set in.
"Is this my reward for years of dedication?"
“Why is this happening to me?”
“What will my colleagues and peers think about this?”
“Am I any less talented or capable because of this layoff”
“What immediate steps should I take to cope with this situation?”
“Should I write a LinkedIn post letting everyone know that I’m unemployed and in search of a new job?”
Identity Crisis: In the following days, Alex is taken on an emotional roller coaster. He feels like he’s experiencing a divorce with a significant other. Shock, anger, resentment, fear, anxiety, loneliness, and isolation set in. The company was more than a job to him; it was an identity. He hasn’t worked on his LinkedIn profile or resume in 6 years. He says to himself, “I haven’t interviewed with a company in ages, where do I start?”
Life Post-FAANG: Sharing the news becomes an ordeal, as each conversation and text message feels like a counseling session. Alex mourns the loss of his team, his inability to say goodbye, and the unfinished projects he was working on.
Remembering Self:
The Unforgettable Day: 60 days have passed, but the day of the layoff remains vivid. Alex remembers the minutest details – the “not authorized” message when he logged into his email, the words, “We regret to inform you that you have been impacted by a reduction in force”, and the dread he felt after reading the layoff email.
Narrative Struggles: Alex ponders: "Were the sacrifices I made for my career worth it if it ended this way?" “Am I as strong of a leader as I thought? If so, why was I laid off?” Self-doubt creeps in, challenging his beliefs about his technical skills and leadership capability.
The Power of the Peak-End Rule in Alex's Journey:
Over Alex's 6-year tenure, he experienced numerous peaks – moments of success, growth, and validation. These included promotions, successful completion of major projects, and recognition from peers and executives. These peaks created positive emotional spikes in Alex's professional journey.
Yet, the abrupt end – his layoff – presented a highly intense and negative emotional experience, equivalent to a significant trough in his career graph. Due to the "peak-end rule," when Alex looks back at his journey at the company, two primary moments dominate his memory: the peaks of his accomplishments and the intense emotion of the layoff. The latter, being a recent and abrupt ending, exerts a significant pull on his overall recollection of his time at the company.
Given this cognitive bias, it's understandable that Alex may struggle with the weight of the layoff memory, allowing it to overshadow many of his positive, fulfilling experiences. This emphasizes the importance for professionals, like Alex, to recognize this bias and seek holistic reflection, ensuring he doesn’t undervalue his accomplishments and growth due to an isolated, albeit intense, event.
Case Study – Michelle's Journey: Leaving on Her Own Terms
To illustrate these concepts further, let's turn our attention to Michelle, a seasoned Scientific Leader with 10 years of experience at a global Pharmaceutical Company. Like Alex, she boasts several promotions and has built a strong reputation as she’s become a driving force behind a successful clinical trial for a drug that’s been found to help people lose weight.
Experiencing Self:
Seizing New Opportunities: Michelle senses a shift in the company’s strategic direction and feels she has reached her growth peak. As she contemplates exploring new opportunities, she asks herself, “Is now the right time for me to make a transition?” “What would a new environment offer me in terms of compensation, growth, and challenges?” “How do I want to expand my skills and what's the best avenue for it?”
Preemptive Strategy: Michelle knows that creating a compelling story about her life and career will take months of time. To prepare for interviews, she starts revising her resume and LinkedIn profile and develops a priority list of what’s important to her in the next role and company. With a strategic game plan in place, she starts conversations with recruiters and lines up interviews. She's proactive and in an emotionally healthy place, believing that she can shape her destiny.
Leaving On Her Terms: As Michelle secures a higher position with another leading Pharma company, she voluntarily submits her resignation, ensuring a smooth transition for her team and projects.
Remembering Self:
The Farewell: Michelle remembers her last day, filled with warm goodbyes, celebratory lunches, and appreciative notes from colleagues.
Narrative Successes: Michelle thinks, "I am proud of my achievements and the mark I left behind. I took control of my career trajectory and am excited about my next chapter.”
The Power of the Peak-End Rule in Michelle's Journey:
Michelle’s decade-long journey was sprinkled with numerous accomplishments – validating her expertise and leadership. Her proactive approach to sensing industry changes and acting upon it created several positive peaks throughout her professional storyline.
Her voluntary departure marked a significant, positive moment, contrasting with Alex's involuntary layoff. When Michelle reflects on her time at the company, she recalls her accomplishments, growth, and her graceful exit as the end moment. This culmination, being a well-planned and positive experience, becomes a dominant memory of her tenure there.
The Importance of Seeking Outside Perspectives
Whether Alex or Michelle's story resonates more with you, remember this: Seeking perspectives from peers, trusted advisors, and career experts isn't just a formality. It's an essential step in refining your career narrative. You may feel hesitant to reach out to your friends and network for support out of shame. But your community is here to help you. They can help you spotlight those accomplishments you've forgotten, rectify any undue self-criticisms, and assist in elevating your narrative.
Next Steps
Our memories and interpretations don't just serve as mere reflections of the past; they impact our mental health, shape the stories we internalize about our successes and failures, and influence our optimism as we rediscover ourselves and start to look for new opportunities.
Henry Stanley Haskins once said, “What lies behind us, and what lies before us, are small in comparison to what lies within us. When you bring what’s within out, miracles happen.” Taking intentional breaks, rejuvenating with loved ones, delving into hobbies, or seeking solace in nature creates a space for processing emotions, from grief to joy. During your introspection, reflect on past work experiences that have brought you joy, and the people who have impacted your career. Challenge the negative self-talk that may be holding you back.
Here are 3 actionable steps you can take to tend to your inner and outer selves.
Connect: Reach out to at least three peers or mentors from your past this week. Set up a call and ask them to review and provide feedback on your resume. A few areas to review:
Authenticity / Storyline
Design and Readability
Leadership Track Record
Projects
Achievements
Technical / Domain Expertise 2. Reflect: Dedicate 20 minutes daily to introspection. Consider journaling and answering the following questions:
What is the type of work that I enjoy the most?
What are my natural gifts?
What are the negative biases that I have about myself that aren't serving me that I need to investigate? What evidence is there that these biases don’t accurately reflect who I am?
If there is evidence that there are areas that you need to work on, create a development plan.
What does personal and career success look like in the next 3 years? 3. Engage: Participate in activities that rejuvenate your spirit. Whether it’s reading, hiking, or spending time with loved ones, ensure you’re recharging.
Have you been impacted by a layoff or are you in the middle of a career transition? If you're looking for guidance during this time, feel free to reach out. I've helped many clients navigate this challenging time and supported them in turning it into a powerful, positive turning point in their careers.